Twilight saga parodies
by Twilightfangirl311
Summary: This is a parody of the TRAILERS! Not the whole movie! Please read and review! Some swearing, not enough for teen rating!
1. Chapter 1

Twilight saga parodies

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight

Summary: This is a parody of the TRAILERS! Not the whole movie. I will make a breaking dawn one once the trailer comes out in June. I like twilight, so please don't be offended by the insults. Mild Swearing! Not too bad to be rated teen. Warning! Contains severe obsession with cookies!

Twilight

Bella: (stands by her car and listens to music) It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday!

Tyler: Bella! Watch out! I'm gonna hit you with my car!

Bella: (stands their with her mouth hanging open like an idiot) NO! Not before Gossip Girl ends!

Tyler: Move you idiot!

Bella: I'm too stupid!

Edward: I'll save you! (runs at an inhuman speed to the car about to hit Bella and stops it. He looks at Bella)

Bella: WTH! Your my hero!

Tyler: I tried to stop!

Bella: Shut up! Your momma should have named you Dick!

Bella: You're uber fast, and strong.

Edward: What are your theories?

Bella: Are you superman?

Edward: Try again.

Bella: Batman?

Edward: Nope.

Bella: Hulk?

Edward: What is with you and comic books?

Bella: I don't know.

Edward: What if I'm not the hero what if I'm the bad guy? (dramatic music plays)

Bella: The joker?

Bella: I know what you are.

Edward: Say it, out loud.

Bella: How else would I say it?

Edward: SAY IT.

Bella: FAIRY!

Edward: Yes! Wait, what.

Bella: You sparkle in the sunlight.

Edward: I'm a vampire!

Bella: I thought you said you were the bad guy? Vampires are lame. Fairies are badasses!

Edward: !

_  
>Edward: My family, we only drink the blood of animals.<p>

Bella: How dare you hurt a poor, innocent animal! I'd rather you kill humans!

Edward: There are others who kill humans.

James: (sniffs air dramatically) You smell bad!

Bella: SCREW IT!

James: Edward brought a snack.

Edward: Don't steal my cookie!

James: I don't want your cookie! I want to drink Bella!

Edward: Oh, fine by me!

Bella: Edward!

Edward: Alright!

Edward: The hunt is an obsession! He's never gonna stop!

Bella: I'd rather die than to be away from you, even though I just met you less than one month ago.

Edward: That has nothing to do with what I'm talking about.

Bella: It's dramatic.

Bella: (screams like a maniac)

Edward: (fights James) You broke my cookie! That's it! (kicks him and he flys through the air)

(dramatic music)

Sorry, the jokes might not have been that funny. New moon will be better. Review, NO FLAMES!


	2. Chapter 2

Twilight saga parodies

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight

New moon

Edward: You don't belong in my world, Bella.

Bella: I belong with you! If this is about me stealing your cookie, I'll by you another one!

Edward: It's not about that. This is the last time you'll ever see me. Just don't do anything reckless. Don't walk and talk at the same time, don't talk to strangers, don't hang out with Jacob Black 'cause I have jealousy issues, don't trip over your own feet, don't...be yourself.

Bella: (tries to be dramatic by panting like a dog)

Bella: When Edward left, it's like a giant hole has been punched through my chest. (Bella fantasizes Edward walking out of his car with the wind in his hair like in a Fabio commercial)

Jacob: I know what he did to you, I stalk your status on Twitter. But Bella, I would never do that, until I imprint on your baby.  
>_<p>

Bella: (in bed screaming like a freaky Psychopath)

Stephanie Meyer: What was the point of that?

Chris Weitz: It's dramatic! (Jazz hands)

Bella: There's only one way I can see him. (rides a motorcycle with her mouth hanging open like an idiot) (Author's note: She did do that during the WHOLE movie)

Edward: I'm a ghost:)

Bella: (jumps off a cliff) I can see Edward:) Oh, shat! I'm gonna die!

Jacob: Hey everyone, my shirt's off!

Fangirls: OMG! He's hot!

Bella: Hello? Save me!

Jacob: Right.

Alice: It's Edward. He thinks you're dead!

Bella: Why would he think that? I just jumped off a cliff, and hit my head on a rock, and coulda got one force head trauma.

Alice: He's going to Volterra!

Bella: I have no idea what Volterra is, but I'm gonna gasp anyways. Gasp!

Alice: He wants to die, too. He's gonna provoke the Volturi, even though it makes more sense just to burn himself.

Alice: (driving an ugly car down a terrible looking green-screen background)

Edward: (steps out into the sunlight without a shirt on)

Bella: No, Edward, don't! (runs through a fountain even though it would've been easier to walk around it)

Aro: It's a crime to show humans abs that ugly! Felix!

Felix: (slams Edward into the floor)

Edward: (looks constipated)

Bella: NO! NO! NO! PLEASE!

(more dramatic music)

Jane: This will hurt a whole freakin' lot!

(more dramatic music)

TwilightFangirl311: Where's Alec?

Chris Weitz: Don't worry, he'll have one line in the movie and not even a head shot.

TwilightFangirl311: !

I hoped you liked it. Review, nicely.


	3. Chapter 3

Twilight saga parodies 3

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight

Bella: Jacob? What are you doing here?

Jacob: I came to warn you.

Bella: Of what?

Edward: LEAVE, now!

Jacob: She has a right to know.

Bella: What is it?

Jacob: Edward stole your cookie!

Bella: NO!

Edward: We've been tracking the situation in Seattle for a while. Unexplained disappearances, killings, cookie store robbery.

(Some random dude screams in pain as Victoria steals his cookie)

Carlisle: Someone's creating an army.

Bella: An army of vampires?

Jacob: We're in!

(the wolf pack walks around growling like they have a hairball stuck in their throat)

Jacob: As long as we can have a cookie.

Edward: NO!

Alec: It's time.

Jane: No, two more minutes.

Edward: I'll stop at nothing to protect you!

Alice: I made cookies!

Edward: COOKIE!

Bella: You're supposed to protect me!

Jacob: Nothing else maters. CAT!

Bella: WTH!

(Victoria jumps on a tree)

(Edward tries to push it down)

Edward: Ugh! Ugh! I can't do it! Can someone help me?

DavidSlade: CUT!

Jane: When we walk out, we all take off our hoods at the same time.

Felix: Alright.

Alec: Why?

Jane: It's dramatic!

(walk out and take hoods off at the same time)

Jane: Demitri! You didn't do it on time!

DavidSlade: CUT!  
>_<p>

(dramatic music)

Please review! I mean NO offense to fans! I'm a fan, too. I'm just doing this for a laugh. And, NO, I'm not obsessed with cookies. Even though it may seem like it. I'm just on a caffeine high from drinking too much soda.


	4. Chapter 4

Twilight Saga Parodies

A/N: This is the last chapter of this parody:( If any of you haven't watched the teaser trailer for Breaking Dawn, look it up on Google. In my opinion(NO OFFENSE)it sucked. All you see is people looking at a wedding invitation. Anyways, please R&R!

Breaking Dawn

A woman is walking down a hallway. She has an envelope on a...food serving tray? Um, alright? She walks into a room where the Volturi leaders are. Aro takes the envelope and reads it.

Aro: YAY! My coupon for a free .8 oz. sample of mustard finally arrived in the mail! (starts dancing)

Caius: (gets up and dances with Aro and the random woman)

Aro: Marcus, dance with us!

Marcus: (gets up to dance) OW! My back!

Aro: You're old!

Charlie: (sitting on a table reading a piece of paper) Dammit! I forgot to pay my bills!

Renee: (reading a letter) Guess what, Phil? My second cousin's son's friend's dad is getting remarried!

Phil: So is your daughter. Which one do you want to go to?

Renee: Let's go to-(looks at the invitation because she can't remember his name)-Burt's wedding!

Phil: Thank god!

Jacob: (runs out of his house and drops a note on the ground) I can't believe I didn't win the free trip to Seattle!

Billy: Jacob, get your ass in this house! Now!

Jacob: NO! (rips of his shirt and runs off)

Billy: Jacob, Seattle's only two hours away! Just drive, you ass!

Bella: (walks down the aisle)

Charlie: She's stepping on my friggin' foot, dammit!

Bella: OMG! I'm sorry!

Edward: Let's get this over with! We've got stuff to do!

Random little girl: EW!

Bella and Edward are busy. I'm trying to keep a K+ rating.

Jacob: (being thrown into a wall)

Edward: Don't break the painting!

Bella: I'm pregnant.

(dramatic music)

A/N: I think that trailer made me hate Twilight. So disappointing:P Thanks to everyone that read this story!


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